May 2017. July 2019.
Life has a way of sneaking up on you. Life has a way of seamlessly slipping in moments of unbearable joy and adorning it with moments of gripping hurt. So much has happened in the two years that have passed between these photos. In the spirit of sharing this journey with you, I figure this is a beautiful opportunity to share some of these milestones…so, here goes.
In these past two years I have:
I know those are way more things than you asked for, but I really wanted to share. My career has so many glamorous perks, my life has so many beautiful thrills. With that though there are also so many difficult moments. Many days where breathing feels just as difficult as walking water. I am so grateful for all of the battles I’ve fought, for the friends that have helped warrior up when I didn’t have the strength, to the universe for always guiding me back to my power. Change is a petrifying thing, failure is inevitable and thankfully…hope is infinite. Thank you all for going on this journey with me, I have more love for you than the world’s got air.
Loneliness grows on my limbs
like vines waiting to bear fruit.
My breather plays out melodies
no longer left to be sung. //
My skin does remember though.
Subtle pulsing beneath fingertips
eager to claim stake
in what has been theirs well before
Let my curves belt your praises,
May my body dance a song
written out just for you.
My knees know the lyrics
& this heart can keep tempo.
You just have to promise me that
this tune won't fall on deaf ears.
'Cause I don't have it in me
to pick up half notes scattered from the ground. //
'Cause I don't have it in me to collect fragments of myself
from the ruins of your absence.
Pieces only have value
if they have purpose.
until you have room for me,
I will simply remain here //
Replaying the possibilities...
Hoping one day this song
will be more than just
||the melancholic melody of my mind.
I can’t seem to remove the violet of your lips from my bedsheets.
Your fingertips remain to be the paintings my skin refuses to shed.
The imprint of your thighs linger around in my mind,
I can’t seem to shake the shape of our hands intertwined
Double takes won’t replace the broken and battered lace who we were is trimmed with.
I can’t erase the places I’ve been through you …
My recollection is me holding on to pieces that should be mine to claim.
At night the heat we are created in is … violent.
No longer sweet treats within delightful melodies,
Where have we gone?
Cause I can only find traces of you and me here.
Yet can’t even shake the thought that it’s time to stop pretending.
This happy song was not supposed to have an ending ..
Bittersweet, to feel the defeat that lies mute between you and I.
We weren’t supposed to let time stop us,
And yet ever so consistently the sand slips between our fingers
Falling into the bottom of your hour glass.
I’m so tired of being in between this makeshift reality of you and me
Just let me lay here.
Just let me lay here and find truth despite the insecurities.
||Let me lay here and find my way back to you.