I don't always share the personal side of my journey. I don't just mean on the social medias. I mean in general. With family, friends, artistic colleagues. I don't think it's so much out of fear or even reservation, but more so out of habit. I've gotten so used to tackling battles in silence that I forget how healing it can be to share moments of my journey aloud. So here's to sharing...
For the past seven years, I've experienced these moments periodically. For lack of understanding, I used to call it "The Fog". The name came from the feeling that there was a fog over everything. I never could figure out when it would come, what would be the inciting factor or what could make it go away. During this time it's usually more difficult than normal to think clearly, focus on a task and speak (like actually getting words out of my mouth). My processing is a lot slower than normal too. I'll find myself making a left hand turn on a red light at a six lane intersection. I'll find lit burners unattended with nothing on them hours later after somehow forgetting I was attempting to make a meal. During periods of "The Fog" often times I don't eat or sleep. Usually, I'll spend my nights working, organizing, journaling or creating. Oddly enough, I was always aware that the creation of some art would be the thing to bring me back to self. Along with the other things I never understood about "The Fog", I could never gauge how long I would be in it or what would get it to end.
Since spending more time with myself and naturally, more time with "The Fog", I've come to understand it more. I've realized that I fall into a bout whenever I don't take enough time to stop and breathe, don't spend enough time in my home or homebase to recharge, or when I'm holding on to a secret or not speaking on my truth.
Along with that realization came the discovery that it's less of a "Fog" and more of an "Awakening". I've realized that these periods force me to slow down, listen more, multi-task less, speak slower and take time with every action (especially the dangerous things like cooking or driving). In actuality, "The Fog" forces me to take time to be more human. Whenever it comes, I feel more in tune with nature and more in sync with those around me. Recently, I decided it wasn't some sort of illness, but more of a gift. A gift to truly be awake to witness the world around me.
Now, I'm still learning about what these moments of "Awakening" are, but now I approach it from a place of gratitude instead of disdain. Over the course of this month, I'll share some journal entries from moments I experienced, "The Fog".
Bear with me <3